The deed...is done

Hello all, apologies for not updating sooner, but really I have not felt the urge to write, nor inspiration to do as such.

I write to you now under some intense emotion, as I have just left my college. Why, you may ask, would you leave the University of Delaware? It is a fine school indeed, but I feel (and deep down in my heart I know) that it is simply not the place for me. The effects were felt, as it were, through the entire atmosphere, for when I was walking to the office to obtain withdrawing papers, a large and ominous storm was brewing, and is now raging outside my window. I feel that the same is happening inside me, and while I am sad to be leaving the University, it is what I must do.

I have a confession to make, while I have been here, my character has slowly been changing. In some ways this is a good and expected side effect of going off to a new college, to learn to be independent and to get an education. Well, along with these fine attributes, I found myself slipping up more, engaging in not so healthy, yet accepted, activities. I found myself slowly going under the current, as opposed to fighting it, as I should have been doing. If I found the strength in me to fight it and survive scarred but not broken, I would have stayed here. However, I found myself being worn down to a smooth pebble in the river, instead of a jagged rock of change. Rather than changing my environment, the environment changed me. It was as if my personality was being drained, and replaced with the genericness of college.

I found this trend to be alarming my first year, but foolishly did not take more steps to combat it. Over the summer I slowly regained my old self and values back, and this time when i returned I was determined to not let the same happen to me again. The intense sadness and depression of letting myself go as I did was a feeling I could not stand to feel again. However, slowly but surely in this first week, the feeling started creeping up on me. Now, as an extreme countermeasure, I have decided to leave the University. Once again, this is no fault of the University, but rather a simple difference of philosophy. I never really felt like I fit into the definition of a U of DE student, but I felt perhaps I could get there in my own unique way. Not so, as I have found.

Being surrounded by so many people, yet feeling the loneliest that I ever had really had worn me down. I tried to fit in last year to no avail, and I see that this year would have been more of the same. I do not fit into any one genre of human, as it may be called. I am not a frat boy, nor do I think like one. I do some things which perhaps would be related to stoners or nerds, yet I am neither. The lack of people that think like me up on this campus was ultimately my undoing, and trying to fit in with several groups was going nowhere. My natural introversion was of no assistance here.

To my friends on campus, this is of no relation to you, and I thank you for hanging out with me and being there for me when I needed it.

There are many changes going on right now, but I feel like in the end, this is the decision that I had to make.

Mr. Revell